We just got back from a great trip visiting my family in South Carolina. Lily is staying with my mom and dad for a month while Alex and I come back and get some massive work accomplished.

If you’ve watched my stories, you know this story. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I knew we had to make it!

99.9% of people understood, and only a few psychos think we are crazy for LILY STAYING AT HER GRANDPARENTS. Yes, her grandparents – not a fucking orphanage. 😆 Why don’t I just link THE PODCAST here. You’ll prob want to catch this one. 😉

After our incident with the nanny, we had to make some big moves.

We haven’t had success with finding a full-time nanny, and one thing I’m not going to do is settle. 🙅🏻‍♀️

My mom has always offered to watch Lily for an extended amount of time, and it hit me recently that now would actually be the perfect time!

This current time is the biggest time of the year for our business (lot of launches, courses, biz events, etc). Alex and I are at a turning point business wise (it’s really exciting!! Just lots of creating to do!) – he and I work so well together we can seriously get 6 months work completed in a month’s time!🙌🏻

It’s pretty cool what you can make happen when you have a crystal clear vision of what you want.✨✨✨
So that’s what we are doing! These next 2 months will set us up for 2019 in life & biz.

We actually just created a really cool new biz growth course…like yesterday! (already being productive AF)

I’m having all the expected mommy feelings; but I’m letting them come and pass. 😌 I am thrilled that Lily will be able to spend time with the fam, and I know it’s for all of our greater good.

Actually Lily is having a ball. She’s so damn cute. My parents keep sending me videos and pics and we Face-timed with Lil yesterday. SO CUTE. I just want to squeeze her face off.

Today, after I shared a really cute picture on Instagram Stories of Lily and I Face-timing, someone wrote this:

 

Which is ironic yet timely because I had written this post (below) yesterday. Mom-shaming unfortunately is a real thing, and its very sad.

Hurt people hurt people. The lack of empathy from is a mother is shocking…YET I empathize.

I understand the struggle that she goes through. What IF she doesn’t work full time? What IF she doesn’t to back to school? What IF she doesn’t create the life for she and her daughter that she so desperately desires?  I understand because I am the same.

There are tons of “what ifs” as a parent. WE are all the same – WOMEN & MOTHERS. We MUST stop tearing each other down. When is enough, ENOUGH? All mothers are striving to do what is right for their families and for their circumstances. The truth is that the MORE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE a child can have, the better!

We know are beyond blessed that we have loving family (not everyone has that, sadly) from all sides that want to help, love and support Lily and our mission. My wish for our planet is that more children had loving people around them wiling to step up and being brave. Children NEED love around them, and just as importantly, they need to see real examples of positive, happy, loving parents/family.

As far as the way people make a living, I don’t believe the the traditional “grind, daily hustle, 9-5, 20+ year career” is the only way. It is not a bad way, it’s an old way. I see that we have a WHOLE NEW WORLD in front of us via social media and online business opportunity. Now we have the opportunity to create a life and business in a relatively short amount of time! THIS is the business that Alex and I are in, and the life that we help others create! The short lived sacrifice yields a return that is massively greater than most can comprehend.

It’s perplexing, because within this comment, she and I are the same, yet only one chooses to empathize with the other. 

Finally, if you’re thinking “why not just ignore it?” BECAUSE THESE ARE THE THINGS WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT. If my story and the challenges I face can inspire you or give you permission to follow your dreams, then I will always share it. Women have stayed quiet from bullies for too long and it’s time we shine our light on the world.

The lesson in this is bigger than all of us. No person nor situation is perfect. Our stories and our imperfections are our greatness. As Leonard Cohen once said, “There is a crack in everything, and that’s how the light gets in.”

There is no ‘one-size fit’s all’ when it comes to parenting. So why do some mom’s feel the need to put down other mom’s who parent in a different way?

Sometimes people REALLY need to butt out of other people’s lives and just focus on their own children. Oh I’m sorry, did I say sometimes? I meant ALL THE TIME! 😂 

Whatever happened to ‘it takes a village to raise a child’? Now it’s like burn down any other mom’s confidence for no valid reason! When did society become ‘war of the mom’s’ anyway?

We are going to share something in a different way today and for the sake of this post, we’re going to call the mom’s that shame “Ms. Shamenson” and we’re going to call the working mom “Ms. Workersman” so it doesn’t sound like I’m calling you, dear reader, any bad names. How does that sound? Okay? Cool!

 

Ms. Shamenson:

OMFG, Ms. Workersman do you even care about your baby at all? Leaving them in the care of a complete stranger while you’re at work??? I would never do something like that!

Ms. Workersman:

😤😤😤

Ms. Shamenson:

OMFG Ms. Wokersman, you have time to go to work then have a social life once in a blue moon AND be a good mom? I don’t think so! I would never do something like that.

Ms. Workersman:

😑😑😑

Ms. Shamenson:

OMFG Ms. Workersman, you shouldn’t do anything for yourself that makes you feel happy, empowered, pays your bills or satisfies your biz passion. You don’t have time for your child! I would never do something like that.

Ms. Workersman:

🙄🙄🙄

It seems that poor Ms. Workersman just can’t win!

But you know what, Ms. Shamenson? What are YOU teaching YOUR child? Because you’re going to get older, as is your child, and your child is going to watch you. Hear you. Imitate you. Mimic you! What you are teaching YOUR children, Ms. Shamenson, is that it’s okay to stare.

That it’s okay to point. To smirk. To do that stupid, slow shake of the head. Or that unbecoming click of the disapproving tongue. And worst of all: to shame.

Meanwhile Ms. Workersman is going to get older too, and so are her children. Her children will imitate her. They will learn from her. They will learn that it’s okay to work.

They will learn that Mother’s hearts are full of infinite love.

That it is NOT selfish to earn a living and put bread on the table. That there’s 24 hours in a day and there’s enough time to work and be a mom.

And in the year 2,048 when her children are in their 30’s and have children of their own, they will know that it’s possible to have jobs with kids and to be a loving, supportive family. They’ll know that it’s possible to be a working parent who loves and cares for their kids because their mom did it for them. They’ll have a great example of hard work ethics.

Meanwhile, Ms. Shamenson, your child will simply have a strong finger from all that shame-pointing.

I’m sure Ms. Shamenson is a loving and caring mother. In a twisted way, she thinks she’s honestly helping Ms. Workersman. But typically these “shamers” do it because they can – because it makes them feel superior. And there’s no reason for that.

Motherhood is not a contest. It’s not a war. And it’s not cute or clever to put others down. It’s just mean like Regina George!

But let’s not shame Ms. Shamenson ourselves.

Because as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. wisely once said:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

And that’s not to say that Ms. Workersman is a perfect mother either. Because guess what? NO mother is perfect! Mother’s might have the superpower of being a mom, but she is still human, and therefore beautifully flawed. Just like you and me.

And don’t let her unkind and harsh words ruin your day or make you question your worth as a mother or a good human. Just know that Ms. Shamenson will have to answer to her own actions one day.

So grab a glass of wine, shake off her words and know that you are a great mother! Because your little monkey is still alive and happy. And at the end of the day… that’s what counts!

Have YOU ever been #momshamed or shamed in public before? Did you say anything back to the shamer? Let’s chat in the comments!

Love & mom hugs,

Ash 💜

 

 

 

2 comments

  1. I am not a mother. I can’t possibly imagine how difficult it was to leave Lily and i applaud you for sacrificing time with her now to eventually be able to have the best life with her in the future.
    I don’t know how I would handle the situation if it was up to me but if there are moms out there who disagree with your decision why not just ask You and Alex for your reasons? You don’t need to provide an explanation but being the awesome individuals you are, you’ll most likely try to explain why you did it(Which you have lol ). If someone still doesn’t agree then it’s ok to say so and move on. Would this woman have said all these horrid things to Ashley in person? It is so easy to shame someone from behind a screen. There are always respectful ways to disagree with anything and anyone.

    I personally think you made the best decision ! Lily will love you for it and her grandparents are grateful for their time with lily! As Alex said “it takes a village” and I’m so glad your village is supportive and loving and no matter how far they may be the connection between you all is so immense that it is felt even through a podcast or through your social media. Lily is so blessed to have such an amazing woman for a mother and two amazing men as her dad. I fucking love you guys I’ve been following you for years but I have to say I love you more now than ever!

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