It’s complicated being a woman.
We play many roles: partners, wives, daughters, bosses, employees, mothers. We deliver, nurture, manage, and please. We are accomplished jugglers, master manifestors; we make things happen. We are badass, and we know it.
To be powerful and effective in our lives, we contain, conform, and control our feelings, our words, our behavior. As a matter of survival we adapt to a culture that values our rational minds. We live in a fast-paced, over-stimulating, 140-character-status-update kind of world, in which we are usually focused on “doing” rather than “being.” It is part of our survival that we to be able to contain our emotional life to reason our way through our busy day.
The side effect of this is a disconnection—from each other and from ourselves. We lose touch with our innate, intuitive nature, often feeling unseen, unappreciated, and misunderstood. It’s no wonder I hear so often from the thousands of women I work with that their biggest obstacle to enjoying sex is that they get stuck in their heads.
Buddhists use the term, “monkey mind” to describe the state of unsettled restlessness, confusion, distraction that we so easily fall into when we think too much. “Analysis Paralysis” is a popular expression for the condition that results from overthinking so much you render yourself unable to make a decision, to pick a direction, to take action.
Mindfulness has become a popular tool in all sorts of organizations seeking to cultivate effectiveness, productivity and morale, from corporations and schools to hospitals and veterans’ associations. We hear so much about the benefits of meditation to keep our minds in check, but there is another practice that can provide a deep, energetic recalibration.
You know, that heart-pounding, body-mashing, face-devouring kind of sex that makes your eyes roll back in your head and feel as though you might actually be entering into another state of consciousness entirely.
In case you are looking for justification for indulging in this delicious practice, here are 3 reasons to have mind-blowing sex:
1. To Disconnect from Your Mind
We often think about taking a walk to clear our minds. Having sex with abandon is a great way to blow our minds. It is virtually impossible to engage our minds during sex. As arousal climbs, thoughts fall away. Neuroscience tells us that during orgasm, brain activity shifts dramatically from the cerebral cortex (the reasoning part of the brain) to the limbic system, and particularly the nucleus accumbens (the part of our brain which handles emotion, long-term memory, and pleasure). This shift continues into the refractory period, or what we call the “afterglow,” as the brain releases oxytocin and prolactin—neurohormones which decrease anxiety and cultivate bonding. Sex engages what could be considered the heart center of the brain.
2. To Connect with Your Body
The byproduct of spending time in our heads is not spending time in our bodies. Our relationships with our bodies are complicated, aren’t they? We receive a constant stream of messages from a number of sources (movies, television, advertising, magazines, internet, friends, lovers, family, religion) about how we should look, smell, feel, and behave. It’s nearly impossible to cultivate a naturally healthy relationship with our bodies. At the end of the day, though, your body belongs to you. The human body is built for pleasure and it’s powerful medicine. Making time for sex is like coming home to yourself and celebrating the gift of physical pleasure your body is capable of generating.
3. To Connect with Another Soul
As mammals, we are social, tactile, and affectionate beings. Research shows that social connection reduces anxiety and depression, strengthens our immune system, boosts both self-esteem and empathy. While community gives our lives context, touch is our first language. As infants, before we have verbal skills, our parents use touch as a means of expressing love and comfort. In a similar way, as adults, being held in the loving embrace of another communicates a message of comfort and safety. Add the physical intimacy of sex to the equation and you have the makings of a deeply healing and soulful experience.
Be sure to check out Zoe’s intro to the blog; you seriously don’t want to miss this!