Do you ever find yourself struggling with confidence? Have you ever seen someone and you thought to yourself, “If I only had the confidence that they have, then I would be able to do xyz…”?
Something I learned from Brendon Burchard is that confidence is fleeting if not generated. What that means is confidence is something that you work on and you nurture, and if you don’t focus on confidence, it can start to fade. And in even simpler terms.. if you don’t use it, you lose it.
I was reading an article on Entrepreneur.com and the writer said, “no one is born with limitless self-confidence.”
I believe we are all born with limitless self-confidence, but somewhere along the way we have a tendency to lose it. (Life happens – you get a bad review, someone bullies you, you go through a breakup, aka confidence depleters).
Think about a baby. Babies LOVE every part of themselves and they believe they are perfect. A little baby will walk right into a room, naked with a lil potbelly, and dance around with no doubt in their mind that they aren’t the greatest and funniest thing ever made. Babies are born with limitless self-confidence! YOU were born that way too.
Somewhere along the way, you started believing that parts of you were broken and other people were made better than you are. You learned to be less confident, and you learned that being less confident was safe.
The good news is that you can unlearn those habits and grow into a wildly confident person, which in turn will bring you more joy and fulfillment.
You may can think of someone that seems naturally confident all the time, and most people think that I am naturally confident. Which I am confident now, but it was a learned habit. I had to train it. My whole life I was scared of being judged, and terrified of saying what I felt… and it DIDN’T serve me. BUT when I realized how much not having confidence was holding me back – I saw people who were doing things that I wanted to do or having the things I wanted to have and I knew the only thing holding me back was the confidence to make it happen and believe in myself. The desire for what I wanted for my life swept away everything that stopped me from being confident.
I learned these key steps to combat and overcome insecurity FOR GOOD. If you’re ready for the ultimate formula to start showing up as your most confident self in life AND business, keep reading!
So here is a fun confidence acronym for ya;
Clean up your self image
Own your successes
Notice your body
Fix up your verbiage
Imagine your ideal life
Dress the part
Elevate your competence
Nurture your growth
Train your brain
Ok so it’s not the shortest acronym, but if you start living C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.T, it will completely transform the way you view yourself and show up in the world. Let’s begin!
CLEAN UP YOUR SELF IMAGE:
Whether you’re aware of it or not, you have a self-identity; a mental image and understanding of who you are. The way your life looks right now is a result of that image you hold in your mind; who you believe yourself to be, what you think you deserve, which capabilities and limitations you think you have. You cannot outperform this person, but you CAN upgrade the person that you see! Instead of focusing on who you are now, or who you have been in the past, it’s time to start actively thinking about who you want to become – because that person you create in your mind is the one who will get you the results you want in life!
The Ashley Diana you see today wasn’t born this way, she’s a person of my creation. A reborn version of myself. I dreamt her up and then became her! It’s not rocket science, it just requires a little introspection (more on this in “Imagine Your Ideal Life”).
Your assignment here is to start working with affirmations. My instagram page @affirmationbabe is the best resource, but if you’re going to begin with one, here’s the sentence I want you to repeat every morning:
“I wake up with excitement and purpose. My confidence is rising and I love the person I’m becoming.”
If you want to learn about the science behind affirmations and why they work, click HERE.
OWN YOUR SUCCESSES
What I mean by this is, keep a “Win List.” It’s exactly as it sounds. A Win list is a list of your personal wins. They can be big victories or tiny triumphs. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING you do well deserves to be acknowledged and documented!
Did a client give you really positive feedback today? Write it down!
Did you do a great job on a project this week? Write it down!
Did you kick ass at your interview?
Did you make dinner for your family and everyone loved it??
You might be thinking, why would I spend my time doing that? What’s the point of patting my own back?
It’s for the moments you feel insecure. It’s for the moments you’re about to devalue yourself, or when you catch yourself doubting your worth.
Keeping a Win List provides the evidence that you are awesome, worthy, and you deserve to feel confident.
To have unshakable confidence, you have to know deep in your core, how wildly worthy and valuable you are. Having a list of wins is there to serve as your daily reminder, so that no matter what anyone else says or thinks about you, your self confidence doesn’t waver!
Decide where you want to keep your Win List and set it up. If you like old school writing with pen and paper, go buy a cute journal that will inspire you, write WIN LIST at the top of page 1, and put it on your nightstand. If you prefer using the Notes app on your phone, make a new folder RIGHT NOW and title it “WIN LIST.” Google Docs, Word, post-its in a shoebox, whiteboard on the wall, whatever floats your boat.
NOTICE YOUR BODY
It’s time to bring awareness to your body language. Poise, professionalism, and posture. Regardless of the industry you work in, you don’t see successful people slouch and hunch. Confident people don’t sit timidly or mumble. They stand up straight. Confidence is a combination of mindset and movement! Whether you’re an expert at the top of your game or taking the first step in your new career, portraying confidence on the outside will help you feel confident on the inside! Think of it as using your physiology to manipulate your psychology. IT WORKS.
Practice standing up straight when you wash your face and brush your teeth in the morning. Look at yourself in the mirror, roll your shoulders back, and tilt your chin up. If your posture has become compromised from a sedentary lifestyle, start adding yoga, pilates, or daily stretching into your routine. Anything that will bring alignment back into your body.
FIX UP YOUR VERBIAGE
When I say verbiage, I’m talking about the phrases, statements, and vocabulary you choose to use. Your language speaks volumes about who you are! I learned all about my language and verbiage from my biz/life coach, Scott DeMoulin, and of course, the legendary Bob Proctor.
Notice the difference in these language tweaks:
Instead of saying this: “So um, does that make sense?”
Say THIS: “I look forward to your hearing thoughts!”
Instead of saying this: “Is that ok with you?”
Say THIS: “Please let me know if you have any questions.”
These are simple swaps that will change the game!
If you don’t sound sure of yourself, don’t expect anyone else feel sure about you either Periodt. 🤓
Also, remove “like, ums, just” from your vocabulary. They are not words that confident people use. And last but not least when it comes to verbiage; SPEAK SLOWLY. No one trusts a fast talker. If you are proud of the words you are speaking, you won’t rush through them. Give people the time to actually hear what you have to say.
Look in the mirror and practice speaking slowly. Imagine you are sharing an important story with a friend, perhaps you are having a consultation with a client, or maybe you have a meeting where you need to speak professionally and with ease. Have that conversation in the mirror with yourself (and bonus points if you record yourself to hear it back).
IMAGINE YOUR IDEAL LIFE:
Everything I have, I’ve seen twice. First in my mind, and then in my reality. There is not a single thing that I’ve achieved or acquired without FIRST visualizing it!
I didn’t make this up myself, but I have learned it from several mentors.
The most successful people in the world – CEO’s, athletes, celebrities, you name it- have all harnessed the power of visualization to achieve their goals. And guess what? You can too!
Set aside 30 minutes every day for Thinking Time. (I discovered the magic of thinking time from Keith Cunningham). Take out your calendar pencil it in right now! Thinking time is when you sit in silence, by yourself, and reflect. Begin contemplating and answering these questions:
- Who do I want to be? Get a clear picture of the ideal version of you! (By the way, this is an ongoing process. Oprah STILL does this! It’s about constantly evolving and growing to become your own best self)
- When you see your best self in your mind, what does she look like? Which qualities does she possess?
- What does the most confident version of yourself look like? How does she carry herself?
- What do you I want to experience in this lifetime?
- How much money do I want to make?
- What does my ideal lifestyle look like?
- What kind of impact do I want to have on the world? Where do I want to contribute my time, talent, energy, and expertise?
- How often do I want to work?
- Who are my ideal clients? What do they look like? What do they do for a living?
- Where do I want to live?
- What kind of relationships do I want to have?
- What does my love life feel like?
- What does my family look like?
- How do I want to show up on social media?
If you want to take it a step further, using Pinterest to create a visual representation of these answers is really fun!
DRESS THE PART:
When you feel polished and put together, you energy is different; and people are attracted to that energy! You’re more magnetic and have more credibility than if you’re wearing sweats, a top bun, yesterday’s makeup and chipped nail polish.
The thing is, dressing the part isn’t just about looking great, it’s about feeling great. And you don’t have to be into fashion or spend a lot of money to feel like a million bucks! You just need some staples that work for your style and body, and can be worn with different outfits.
Determine what kind of outfits you feel the best in, and GET RID OF THE REST! There is no reason to hang onto clothes that make you feel (or look) dumpy, frumpy, or that you simply just never wear. Actually give yourself enough time to get dressed the part each day. You don’t have to spend 2 hours, but shower, groom yourself, put on something that you feel confident and comfortable in, fix your damn hair, and throw on some lipstick. You will be amazed at how confident you feel when you take a moment to look the part.
ELEVATE YOUR COMPETENCE:
Whatever your profession is, you must be proactively learning, improving, and refining your skills every day! It’s the only way to stay relevant and at the top of your league. Just 15 minutes of daily studying or practicing will keep your knowledge fresh, proficiency optimized, and confidence on the rise.
Set aside 15 minutes every day to be a student. Not only will it pay off in the long run, but it will bolster your esteem as a professional in the here and now. Our world has an endless supply of resources for you to elevate your knowledge – literally everything is at the click of a button.
NURTURE YOUR GROWTH
This is a little combination of everything we’ve talked about so far. (And even reading this blog post is nurturing your growth)!
Nurturing your growth takes all aspects of personal development into account. Affirmations, visualization, mindset, movement, learning, and appearance. If you aren’t consciously nurturing your own growth, weeks, months, or even years can pass by without any real, tangible progress. You must continue to surround yourself and fill your mind with what you want to learn and become. (We never stop wanting to grow further, ya know!)
You feel confident and self-assured when you know who you are, know where you’re going, and take steps towards fulfilling your own highest potential!
Find mentors, influencers, bloggers, books, youtube channels, etc that light up and educate you! Make a list and check what they share daily. Let that be your background noise and let the goodness you desire be the only thing you listen to.
The people I go for constant inspiration are Bob Proctor, Louise Hay, Brendon Burchard, Oprah, Amanda Marit, Gala Darling, Lauryn Evarts. (I know I can think of more, so I will come back and edit this!)
TRAIN YOUR BRAIN
The final step in becoming CONFIDENT is making the decision to be more confident, starting now! I know what you’re thinking- reallyyy Ash? But hear me out. You don’t NEED a reason to start being more confident! There is nobody on this planet that is doing something you aren’t capable of doing. In fact, if you’ve seen someone else do it, that means that it’s possible! If someone has already accomplished something you dream of accomplishing, guess what? That means there is already a path to success.
Repeat this affirmation daily! “I’ve always been a big deal, people are just now noticing!” (This is one that I share with my coaching clients often)
This is your CONFIDENCE routine. Follow it like you would a workout regime from a personal trainer. Implement the action steps, be consistent, and watch your new, fully confident self emerge!
Other confidence resources:
- Ladies, booking a boudoir shoot is an incredible way to boost your confidence! This is one of my top blog posts ever!
- Listen to our Affirmation Babe Audios on YouTube! Here is one for Boosting Self-Esteem, Increasing Confidence Boss Babes, Job Interview Confidence, (These are also available in podcast form – search Affirmation Babe wherever you listen to podcasts)
- If you are a hairstylist, you must watch 7 easy steps to building confidence as a hair pro on Youtube.